Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Come share oat with me in your robe
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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