In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
