She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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