I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
