You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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