did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize