now i know why i became what i already was.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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