i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
