Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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