this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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