apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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