just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
