The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
