Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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