I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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