I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
