You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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