plz talk dirty to me
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
