I heard we made out
please come you make the beer taste better
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
of course. lets lasso hookers.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
