why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
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I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
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I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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