i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
