Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
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Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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