Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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