Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
