that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
