I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
