Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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