i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
