At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
