You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
