Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
