I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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