I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
