I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
