My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
