I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
