I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
