Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
