I looked at my own cervix.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
