i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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