$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
