My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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