i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize