i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
