what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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