I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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