oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize