I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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