would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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