I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
