There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
