i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
