I think i peed on brittanys purse
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
