My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
wow bdsm is so cute
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