This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
