Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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