Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize