This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
