who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
