Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we're making bets on your personal life
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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