Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
