I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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