Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
