I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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