She went from zero to smokin in five shots
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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