Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
