My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
