I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
