There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
