Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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