u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
