My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
